The Rule of 85

Some time ago I was Director of Sales and Marketing for a mid-sized general contractor. Marilyn, one of the women who worked in the office, was from Licking, a very small town in central Missouri. She had a very pronounced “country” twang and was proud of being the first in her family to graduate from high school and have a year of community college under her belt. She handled many of the bookkeeping tasks for payroll and contract details with sub-contractors and individuals who rented equipment from the firm we worked for. She was bright and hard-working and fun to talk to.

Anyone who thought because Marilyn was what she herself called a “country girl” that she was a few bricks shy of a load would have been making a very serious error. She knew her shit and didn’t take lip from anyone, especially from construction guys who thought she was stupid simply because she was female. The only exception to that rule was the company owner; an obnoxious prick who delighted in terrorizing his staff and cheating anyone and everyone he could, even friends and relatives who had made the mistake of becoming entangled in his business ventures.

Although my office was next to the owner’s, when my door was open I could hear Marilyn talking on the phone about contracts and equipment. I could always tell from her tone if someone was giving her a hard time. One day, about a month or two after I started the job, I knew she was reaching the limit of her patience when she must have said for the third or fourth time, “No, sir. That’s not correct. Just read the contract you signed.” Then a pause while she listened.

“No, sir. Take a look at the second page. Paragraph 4b1. That tells you what your obligations are. It’s all there in black and white.”

A few minutes later, as I was walking past her desk on the way to the toilet, she hung up the phone. But instead of softly placing it back on the cradle she first slammed it hard into the desk at least three or four times. While growling, “You stupid jerk.”

When I stopped at her desk she began venting about the “fucking idiots” (her words and she very seldom used rough language) she had to deal with. Then she told me her theory of intelligence. The people she dealt with and practically everyone who drove a car or pick-up or worked in the construction industry all had IQs between 80 and 85.

I laughed and told her that the average IQ was intentionally set at 100 so it was unlikely that all those people had such low scores. But she said her observation wasn’t based on tests but real life.

“Just watch people,” she told me, frowning ominously. “Watch them do really stupid stuff. Doesn’t matter if they’re driving on the interstate or grocery shopping or raising spoiled little brats. It’s actions I’m talking about. Not IQ tests. They’re all 85s or lower. A bunch of borderline retards. Just watch. You’ll see what I mean.”

As I have gotten older I’ve come to understand intelligence somewhat differently than I did previously. It’s only taken about 20 years of watching people but I now find myself in total agreement with Marilyn. The way I see the problem, average people function in life barely above the level of borderline retardation. Yes, I still believe that an IQ of 100 is average, but once you get out of the testing environment that measures a person’s understanding of arithmetic, spatial imagery, reading, vocabulary, memory, or general knowledge and into the real world, that average intelligence quotient drops to the low 80s. It’s Marilyn’s Rule of 85 in action.

Actually, it’s a lot more complex than that because I really don’t believe the average person is borderline retarded with respect to IQ scores. But I do believe that person is typically so self-centered, narcissistic, inattentive, and indifferent to others that the functional result is the same.

People do stupid shit all the time. They drive like they’re the only person on the road, talking on mobile phones, sending text messages, putting on make-up, listening to their tunes. They don’t pay attention to what they’re doing at work or home. Carelessness has become a habit, even a virtue. They’re indifferent to all sorts of things, important and trivial. They’re narcissistic to a fault, giving new meaning to the term, Me Generation. They’re closet racists and homophobes and fear the Other. They’re blithering idiot birthers. They’re convinced scientists are nothing but left-wing charlatans. They especially can’t or don’t want to think. By thinking I mean ratiocination, not talking about a favorite football or baseball team or how to get into the pants of a co-worker or a favorite recipe. Thinking is difficult so they avoid it like they avoid the homeless on the streets.

A sure sign of what I’m talking about is people are no longer embarrassed by their ignorance or even their stupidity. Actually, in politics stupidity has become an attribute at the national level. Take for example George W. Bush or Sara Palin, both functioning idiots whose speech gives them away every time they open their mouths. Another horrific example is Jay Leno’s infamous street interviews.

It’s not that most people are flat out dumb, though we all know many who hit that mark. It’s that when you combine dumb people with those of average or even above average intelligence who are narcissistic, indifferent, thoughtless, ignorant, etc. that the Rule of 85 kicks in with a vengeance.

It’s gotten so bad I’ve been tempted to make signs proclaiming, I’m an 85 and proud of it, and hang them around their necks. “Here’s your sign,” I want to say. “You’ve earned it.”