GEOSCIENCES SOURCE BOOK Definitions with Daffynitions

Advancing Glacier             Large ice mass that accumulates snow/ice at a rate that results in the lower edges being pushed outward and downward. Daffynition: Massive dork moving in your direction at a hot singles bar, chilling everything around as it creeps along.

Aeolian Landform              Landforms produced by the deposition or erosion of weathered surface materials by wind including, among others, the following landforms: erg, sand dunes in general, deflation hollows, reg, and desert pavement. Daffynition: land mass that lays around waiting to get blown (Yes, Sister Mary, I know the proper verb tense).

Agate               Very fine grained (cryptocrystalline), translucent type of variegated chalcedony quartz that forms in concentric layers or bands in a wide variety of colors and textures; translucent microcrystalline variety of quartz usually found as striped or banded filings in cavities of volcanic and other rocks; often found as a round nodule, with concentric bands like the rings of a tree trunk. Author’s Note: The type known as moss agate features very delicate, dendritic-like patterns that resemble moss. Agates are frequently associated with opal. Many agates are cut and polished as semi-precious stones or as art objects. The word is derived from Middle English and Old French by way of the Romans, who borrowed it from the Greek, akhates. Daffynition: The nickname of some lame-ass Texas college football team.

Agglomerate                        Pyroclastic rock comprised of a chaotic assemblage of coarse angular volcanic fragments cemented by a matrix of volcanic ash. Daffynition: Assemblage of coarse jerks who always seem cemented to the hottest babe in the bar.

Agglutinate              1) Pyroclastic deposit consisting of an accumulation of originally plastic ejecta that were welded together by molten glassy materials. 2) Fragmented foraminifer tests cemented together. Daffynition: Depositional process largely affecting female college freshmen. Used as the verb form, to agglutinate.

Air Blast        Physical effects, including sudden, high winds and enormous overpressure, produced on the Earth’s surface by a relatively large meteorite that had been burned up in the atmosphere; this type of blast can be more powerful than a Category 5 hurricane, as powerful as a moderate sized nuclear explosion, and is capable of destroying natural and built landscapes. Real World Example: On June 30, 1908, an air blast from a meteorite struck near the Stony Tunguska River in Siberia, about 55 miles north of Vanavara, devastating 800 square miles, felling nearly all the natural vegetation, including thousands of acres of evergreen forests. The force of the explosion has been estimated at 40 megatons of TNT, or 2,000 times the force of the atomic bomb exploded over Hiroshima in 1945. Daffynition: What you feel after getting rejected by the hottie of your dreams.

Air Pollution            Toxification of the atmosphere through the addition by means of human agency of one or more noxious substances in concentrations high enough to be hazardous to humans, other animals, vegetation, or natural materials. Author’s Note: The term pollution includes particulate emissions, industrial aerosols, nitrous oxide emissions, smog, formation of ozone layers, etc. Daffynition: Alert issued after the fat guy sitting in front of you rips an ugly one.

Albedo           Percentage of solar radiation reflected back by a surface; important property of the Earth’s surface as it relates to the relative rate of surface heating when exposed to insolation. An albedo of one indicates perfect reflection, 100 percent. Author’s Note: Fresh snow has a high albedo, from 0.7 to 0.9, indicating that 70 to 90 percent of the radiation received is reflected; glacier ice has a much lower albedo, which is a result of the recrystalization of the snow. Daffynition: Joey Bedo’s older brother, the one with the toxic breath.

Alpine Orogeny          Sequence of crustal disturbances and mountain-building episode beginning in the middle Mesozoic and continuing into the Miocene that resulted in the Alps. Daffynition: Orogeny experienced only by adventurous mountain climbers above 15,000 feet; similar to the 30,000 Mile Club but the act is performed on the ice and snow only by those in excellent physical condition.

Alteration                  Physical or chemical change in a rock or mineral subsequent to its formation. Daffynition: How Jack became Jacqueline and sprouted tits.

Amber                 Fossilized tree resin that varies in color from yellow to red to green and blue and was exuded as a protective mechanism against disease and insect infestation; forms through a natural polymerization of the original organic compounds. Most of the world’s amber ranges in age from 30-90 million years old. Historical Background: Mineralogists call German amber succinite, from the Latin succinum, which means amber. It is the oldest decorative substance known and was found in Paleolithic settlements and was used extensively by the Greeks and Romans for jewelry. The modern name, amber, is thought to originate from the Arabic word, amber, meaning ambergris, a waxy aromatic substance created in the intestines of sperm whales. Daffynition: New name of that guy who went through the alteration mentioned above.