Time to Stop Worrying about Global Warming

The good news is we can finally stop worrying about global warming. And, you might be tempted to ask, why would that be? Well, because we humans are on a gigundus and enormously efficient global killing spree that is removing species from the Earth 1,000 times faster than historical rates of loss. It’s only the fastest rate of extinction since dinosaurs disappeared at the end of the Cretaceous Period about 65 million years ago. As an aside, Creationists would have us believe they were wiped out around 6,000 years before Christ. Oh my, I desperately needed that laugh.

The sobering thought is the bad news: by the time global warming cranks up to levels even the brain dead, characterized by poster child Jim Inhofe, will be unable to deny, most people will be on the road to starving to death because all the bees, birds, and insects that pollinate plants and make much of agriculture possible will have disappeared under the juggernaut of human progress. Yeah, let’s build more sprawling subdivisions, assemble and drive more SUVs, bulldoze more worthless tropical forests and wetlands, apply more herbicides and pesticides to our fields, crank up global population growth, use more non-renewable energy resources, and pollute every single environment we touch.

The die-hard tech evangelists typically counter anyone weeping and wailing about environmental destruction with a catalogue of the ways technology has lengthened the human lifespan, conquered diseases, expanded economic opportunity, and created the worldwide communication web, etc., etc. They see technology as a resource-liberating force, maintaining that an Earth bombarded with plentiful solar energy and practically covered with water can not lack the ingredients for a productive life. After all, didn’t God give dominion of the Earth to man and tell us to be fruitful and multiply?

Only problem with that scenario is humans are on track to hit the terrific mark of being the only species to have developed themselves into extinction by extirpating as much flora and fauna as we can possibly get our hands on, an achievement of which we should be proud because we have worked so hard to get to that point. Congrats all round for us being too stupid to see the finger writing on the wall: mene, tekel, peres. We have been weighed in the balance and found wanting. Period.

Which should come as a tremendous relief for all the politicians and enviro-diplomats since they won’t have to go to those hugely depressing international conventions on bio-diversity that have never, in the history of the world, accomplished one single positive action on a global scale.

As Pogo said to Porkypine in the famous cartoon strip published on Earth Day (February 26), 1971: "We have met the enemy and he is us." A tip of the hat to Walt Kelly for his perspicacity and sardonic foresight.

In the words of the immortal (oops, poor choice of words there) gospel song, “Good news, chariot's comin.' Good news, chariot's comin.' Good news, chariot's comin' and I don't want it to leave me behind.” The bad news is that particular chariot is being driven at break-neck speed by none other than humans dressed as the Grim Reaper intent on running over every single critter around.