Why All States Need “Stand Your Ground” Laws

I think all states desperately need laws like Florida’s Stand Your Ground Act where anyone who feels threatened can blast away at the perp. If the law is as permissive as Florida’s, think of all the perks it would provide. It would escalate road rage into a marvelous sport where the most coordinated driver and shooter would triumph over his assailant. Not to mention the sudden population decrease as creeps bit the dust.

As soon as someone gives you a dirty look, blast that sucker. As soon as someone blows his horn at you, pull out the .357 mag. and let fly. And what about the jerk who gives you the finger and yells unkind things about your mother? Whip out your .45 ACP and he’s history. And just imagine what armed to the teeth Tea Party loyalists and commie-pinko-leftist union supporters would do to each other when their competing campaign celebrations collided in the street. Hey, asshole, don’t tread on me. I can hear the rolling barrage now; it would sound like a righteous Fourth of July and smell like napalm in the morning.

But the best reason is passing that law would finally get conservatives to accept Charles Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest concept. Mayhaps believing in evolution would be the next step in their conversion. But that might be going a bit far.

After the law passes it’ll be open season on creeps. Membership in the NRA will triple when the first perp is nailed. Bullet and gun sales will skyrocket so much we’ll soon have gun stores at every major intersection. The rapidly rising growth in local economies will finally do what Obama and his vaunted stimulus program haven’t been able to and propel states into financial solvency. Who was it that said economic development grows out of the barrel of a gun?

The truth is, passing that law would only have a great upside and no downside whatsoever. Well, you would have to ignore a little collateral damage — as long as it’s black kids wearing hoodies who’s counting? But it’s been easy for us to ignore collateral damage like that in Iraq and Afghanistan for decades so what’s new?

Remember, vote for the Stand Your Ground proposition this coming April.

Sponsored by Citizens for Well-Armed Civility.