The Gospel according to Right-Wing Jesus 02

“Verily, verily, I say unto you, behold the five inspired essentials no man should live without: Faith, Family, Friends, Flag, and Firearms. Let no man tell you differently under pain of the loss of life eternal.”

“Amen, amen, it is deeply Christian to go to the judges citing religious faith to avoid paying for female employees’ contraception.”

“Protecting the standing of the most dominant conservative political party is among the greatest moral values. In very close elections, even seemingly small effects can have great consequences and the anti-Christ, atheist Democrats could get elected.”

“Right-Wing Jesus loves everybody but He won’t make decorated cookies or wedding cakes for queer couples because He believes in one man, one woman marriages are the only ones approved by the Father in Heaven. Thus, all ungodly people who choose queer lifestyles should abandon their abominable perversions.”

“The rich became rich by hard work alone, so they deserve what they have and are beloved by God. The undeserving poor got where they are because they have neither grit nor merit.”

“The rich are rich because of their sterling character and piety. Poor people are poor because they make bad choices, lack initiative and responsibility, or because they don’t have the right qualities, such as intelligence, determination, and fortitude, not because the system is flawed or unfair. Structural inequality is a dangerous myth that all followers of Right-Wing Jesus must reject.”

“For conservatives, being born into wealth and upper-socio-economic class status is a sure sign of God’s favor and of their righteousness before Right-Wing Jesus. The power and strength that come from that status combined with being conservative are signs that in the battle between evil collectivism and godly individualism that defines the human race; there is no question God is on the side of the righteous.”

“Conservativism is a stamp of Christian fidelity; those anointed ones thus blessed are invited to pass directly into the Kingdom of God.”

“Any form of economic redistribution from the hard working upper income to the undeserving and irresponsible low income is anathema to RWJ and intolerable to the Kingdom of God.”