On one occasion a lawyer stood up to test Right-Wing Jesus.
“Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“What is written in the Law?” Right-Wing Jesus replied. “How
do you read it?”
The lawyer answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your
heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your
mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“You have answered correctly,” Right-Wing Jesus replied. “Do
this and you will live.”
But the lawyer wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus,
“And exactly who is my neighbor?”
In reply Right-Wing Jesus said: “A god-fearing, states’
rights loving white man was going down from Birmingham to Mobile, when he was
attacked by dark-skinned robbers. They stripped him of his valuables and clothes,
beat him and drove away in his new car, leaving him half dead. A black minister
happened to be going down the same highway, and when he saw the injured white man
he immediately changed lanes and passed by on the other side of the highway. So
too, a Muslim iman, when he came to the place and saw him, averte his eyes and passed by on the
other side. But a white Bible Belt conservative, as he traveled, came to where
the man was lying on the highway shoulder; and when he saw him, he pulled off
the highway and took pity on him. He went to him, poured oil and wine over his
wounds to cleanse them, and bandaged them. Then he put the injured man in his
own pickup, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took several
hundred dollars and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and
when I return in two days, I will reimburse you for any extra expenses you may
have.’
“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man
who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The lawyer replied, “The white conservative who had mercy on
him.”
Right-Wing Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
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